April Fool’s Day came and went. I didn’t get pranked, and I pranked no one. I consider it a massive, wholesale failure. Fortunately, AMC still knows how to get my blood pumping (read: Joan). Unfortunately, NBC is still capable of letting the air right out of the balloon. And so it goes… Happy spring, meatballs.

YES - The Pitch Sneak Preview

AMC has built a lot of positive credit with me. Ordinarily, something this gimmicky would rub me exactly the wrong way, but I simply can’t overlook the fact that the cable outlet has been on fire for about half a decade. The success of Mad Men, then, appears to have spawned AMC’s first notable reality program: The Pitch. As so often happens in the aforementioned drama, The Pitch will highlight competing ad agencies duking it out for potential clients. Kind of like the hit drama, only with less misogyny and alcoholism. It does, just like every other reality show, promise plenty of what will invariably be artificial drama, produced by heavy editing and dripping with oil from the fingers of idiotic producers. All the same, it’s doing a couple things right. First, the sneak preview coming up is a good idea. You’ve already got my attention, AMC; use it. Second, even though it sounds like a total Shark Tank rip-off, I’ve been promised that Mark Cuban and Jeff Foxworthy will not be involved; in that case, it’s a deal! The real premiere isn’t until April 30, but we can all catch the special sneak this Sunday at 11 p.m.

NO - Sand Masters Season Two

Every week.

Every stinking week, there’s some show either premiering or returning that literally makes me wonder why I don’t have my own reality program. Because I do stuff! I write this article, don’t I? Where’s my camera crew to film me as I fall asleep, missing yet another deadline? Who’s going to record my confessionals? Yet, all the same, here comes the second season of a show based entirely around people who make stuff out of sand. Not glass or something useful like that – no. Sand castles. Sand sculptures. Pieces of ‘art’ that likely resemble the sorts of things that seven year olds around the world make all the time, only way better. But then, it makes me think of NASCAR. I drive practically every day. I’m supposed to be impressed by a gaggle of hicks doing the same thing, only faster? Sorry. Not going to happen. I have on many occasions lamented the existence of programs such as these; I see no earthly reason to stop now. Being good at making sand castles should not be anyone’s defining characteristic, and it sure as sh*t shouldn’t get you on television.

MAYBE - Betty White’s Off Their Rockers Series Premiere

And hopefully it’s the farewell season. Look, I’m not prejudice against old people – unless, of course, they’re behind the wheels of cars, peering nonchalantly over the top of the steering wheel and forgetting routinely to use their turn signals. In those cases, I always wish for the same swift, merciful fiery end. And if it’s Betty White, well...I could stand to see a couple large snakes thrown into the equation. Still, just as I said regarding the return of MTV’s Punk’d, I have a bit of a soft spot for practical jokes. The premise here with Rockers is that instead of a bunch of young jerks making old people feel uncomfortable, you’ll see the tables turned as the blue-hairs pull off gags on unsuspecting youth. The fact that it’s on NBC doesn’t help, and I’m certainly not happy that Betty White’s overexposure will continue raging on like an elephant with a shark strapped to its back. But I’ll probably watch anyway. Catch it with me tonight (Wednesday) at 8 p.m.