By V.R. BryantPosted Jun 20, 2012
Time once again for your weekly dose of the mutant channel. This time ‘round, the mutant is the host of the program rather than its subject, but we’ll get to that in good time. MTV brings its own lineup of freaks, albeit recycled freaks, and TNT taints a classic movie title with what is sure to be a waste of everyone’s time. Enjoy.
Craft Wars - TLC
The first line of a promotional article I found whilst doing research read: “Craft enthusiasts, prepare for battle.” Does anyone else see the disconnect here? First of all, crafting – outside of the world of Minecraft (if you don’t know, don’t ask) – includes activities like quilting, knitting, sewing, crocheting, macramé, appliqué, making little buttons with quirky sayings, and sh*t like that. Never at any moment is battle involved, and if someone has managed to turn it into a competition, then everyone involved needs to take a big step backward and re-evaluate what they’ve all done with their lives. I’m not saying there isn’t a place in this world for hand-sewn party favors; I’m just saying there isn’t a place in this world for Tori Spelling...except the mutant channel, TLC. The journey begins next Tuesday at 10 p.m.
Snooki and JWoww - MTV
As Snooki prepares to release the demon-spawn currently scratching around inside her womb upon the world, what better way to help the young women of America understand how not to live their lives than to film her and her fellow atom-splitter JWoww for their own little spinoff series? Solid parenting and constant surveillance, that’s how. But since that’s a relic of an age gone by, we’ll have to settle for MTV’s newest cash grab. Worthwhile? Hard to say, since neither principal will be drinking on camera. Snooki doesn’t sound interesting sober. MTV trots these fools out for the world to see 10 p.m. on Thursday.
The Great Escape - TNT
Not sure how I feel about this one. It is essentially a combination of Legends of the Hidden Temple, The Amazing Race, and The Rock, only with no Nicholas Cage, which is clearly awesome. No, this is a reality competition in which three teams of two fight independently each week to free themselves from prisons, dungeons, and the like. Seems like it could be cool, but then if it’s not, it wouldn’t be the first time someone in television screwed up a perfectly good concept. You can give it a try Sunday at 10 p.m.