By Kathlene E.E. Boone

LOSER: Kenneth Kratz, the sexting Wisconsin DA

Kratz, a.k.a. Match.com user “exboytoy1,” has been caught sexting with his pants down. The Wisconsin Dept. of Justice released messages this week from his Match page, including several that suggest he invited a woman on a date to an autopsy (as long as she wore heels and pretended to be his girlfriend), and that he made “sexual advances” to a woman while he was prosecuting her husband.

LOSER: iPad 2; Apple reports glitch

Apple announced this week that a “small number” of users who recently purchased the thinner iPad 2 are experiencing connectivity problems. Many are, apparently, having trouble accessing Verizon Wireless’ 3G network, and the message boards are all abuzz. Advice: stick with your big, fat, original iPad until they work out the kinks.

WINNER: Britain, overwhelmingly conceded that Kate Middleton’s virginity is a non-issue

Many of us remember Princess Diana’s father proudly announcing, before her marriage to Prince Charles, that she was a “bona fide virgin.” This kind of announcement will not be taking place with the future wife of Diana’s first born, partially because she and Prince William have been openly living together for several years, and partially because – who cares?