WINNER: John McCain; called conservatives holding out for a constitutional amendment “hobbits”

On the Senate floor prior to August 2, Sen. John McCain (R, Ariz.) chided fellow Republicans for being delusional enough to believe that a balanced-budget amendment would pass by the deadline. Many conservatives have spoken out in similar ways, but what makes McCain’s speech noteworthy is that he brought in the little, furry people of the Shire. He quoted an editorial from The Wall Street Journal that said the GOP was living in a fantasy world – one like the world of the hobbits. Keep it secret, keep it safe.

LOSER: McDonald’s, other play places; may give children staph or ‘gitis

One Arizona mom suspected that the play places her children loved at their favorite fast food restaurants were gross. Her suspicions were validated when she took matters into her own hands and sent samples to labs for microbial analysis. Erin Carr-Jordan visited more than 50 play lands at restaurants like McDonald’s, Burger King, and Chik-fil-A. Thirteen different pathogens were discovered: including four different kinds of staph, “likely” meningitis, and gonorrhea. Care for a dive in the bacterial ball pit?

WINNER: Heather Clark; Northeastern University professor created magical, blood-reading tattoos

A new iPhone app. could, with some modifications to the phone, read the blood levels of the user. It would work via a colorless tattoo, developed by Heather Clark, professor of Pharmaceutical Sciences. By injecting nanoparticles into the skin, they create an invisible “mark” that will fluoresce when exposed to a target molecule, such as sodium or glucose. It was originally developed as a no-prick option for diabetes patients, but could have other applications for athletes and anemic patients. (Please, never link this to your Facebook app.)